Happy Festivus everyone, a day for the rest of us. A day where one can rant on and on of their grievances, and oh boy do I have some to share with you. Typically I like to think myself to be a happy go luckily person, but this year has been a tough nut to crack. The only way I can remedy all the dark energy inside is to let it all go and start 2017 with a fresh new look.
In no particular order here are my Festivus grievances.
- Guy trying to get my attention at the gas station, yelling “ni hao ma, ni hao ma” we get it, you know how to say hello in Mandarin. But news flash not all us slanty eyes are from China. And yes like most people I know you are trying to be a nice person, and greet me in my native tongue, but a simple hello would do.
- This is a big time New York thing, but anyone working a retail job, smile. After living in NY for over 11 years, I’m still not used to trying to make the sales person smile, I’m not the one behind the counter. I get it, working retail is the pits I do it myself but, everyone has a job to do, and a smile won’t kill you.
- My lack of motivation after Trump won the campaign, get over it you. He won, he stinks, and I hate looking at his ugly face, but guess what get used it cause he’s going to be around for about four years. So move on with your life, be positive, try not to think of the Donald and be a better person.
- Facetime in a group setting, please do not put me in this awkward spot (hint hint Kenneth), I hate it. It’s bad enough I have to look at myself and the recipient while talking, but what makes the group setting worse is that I feel like an ugly girl with braces. Being passed down from person to person. “Oh hi, it’s you, okay bye now” till the next person comes along, “Hi, I don’t know you, but how are you? okay bye now” My arm gets tired, and I have to make awkward convo’s with strangers, enough already, no more group chats.
- Laundry, can you wash then fold and place yourself where you belong.
- While we’re at it, Dishes, you do the same and stop hiding those spoons from me, I need them for eating my goddamn yogurt. Mama needs her probiotics.
- To all the hip/hipster hostesses/waitresses out there in the world, you are not as cool as you think. Don’t judge customers by the way they look, it’s not cool man. Watch, you’ll see you too are not susceptible to age and un-coolness. You’ve been warned.
- The white guy who married a mail ordered bride, yeah I see you, man. I am happy for the two of you, and I bet you will live a long prosperous life. But I have a very deep grievance with you man, could you not shame or embarrass your new wife in public or in private for that matter. She is doing her best to make a new living in this country, and she doesn’t need your snide comments. You may think you know more than her or want to school her about her culture; that is a big faux-pas.
- Nutcracker, I was so excited to see you for the first time in my life, but I have to say it was a bit of a letdown. Especially the derogatory display of Asians dancers, it’s 2016. I know you are a classic, but all classics can use an update.
Happy Festivus everyone and may all your grievances be plentiful.