When I was a child, I played a game with myself, it was not so much a game and more like a pity party – for others. I’d stand in the center of the playground looking at each kid, stare at them for a long time, and tell myself how sad it must be, to be them. Evan Kwan (not his real name) was one of those “sad pathetic souls” lost in the world of tetherball and foursquare. I had no clue as to why I thought this way, Evan actually had friends, not like myself and he fashioned a smile most days.
To believe that this poor sap was putting on a brave face for the whole school, showing them that Evan Kwan of Meadows Elementary School was happy and well adjusted. But he didn’t fool me; I knew deep down inside he was sad- tormented even. My goal, no my dream was to convince him to be buddies with me and be less sad together. Conquering the whole playground with our force, of course using our melancholy powers for only good, never bad.
Evan was a sweet looking kid with large doe-eyes, you know the kind, lost in headlights kind of eyes. They were magical, I could get lost in them for days, aways a bit watery, never ending of the droplet of tears, glistening from any angle you look. It’s not that I was in love with him, but there was a constant sadness I felt for him. Some days I’d sit in the cafeteria and imagine why he was possibly sad, is it his family, a girl he likes or the fact that it’s pizza day again. It sure was disappointing to have a pizza day; I know because I hated cheese at the time.
One day I got the nerve to sit next to him, I’m not sure if it was the fish stick or the chocolate milk that gave me the guts to go to him. He seemed like he was having a “fun” time with his buddies, but I knew he was sad inside, and I truly wanted to fix it. So I asked how he was doing, “fine” he replied so breezily, but I persisted. “No, no… how are you really?”
He looked at me a little dumbfound, shrugged and said: “Okay… but the lunch lady ran out of chocolate milk right before my turn, but otherwise good.” He got up, to bus his try and left, I sat there for a bit thinking wow this guy is the bravest boy I ever knew.
I love this piece. I’m so lucky I get to read your writing. 🙂
Wow- I’m on cloud nine, that’s the nicest thing anyone’s said to me!